Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Someone came in the potted fern
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
