Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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