Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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