Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I deserve this hangover.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
