I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
