Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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