Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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