just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
