I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
