Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
