What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
