I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
