Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
