The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
