sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I party with great urgency now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
