We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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