I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
