I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I forget how to act sober
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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