come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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