I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
