just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
