They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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