it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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