shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
