If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
