im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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