but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
