just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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