Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
