We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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