I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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