all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
