today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
