You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
