apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
