My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
