...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
