my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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