If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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