Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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