Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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