i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Randomize
