Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
