I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
