This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
