So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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