I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
