hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
