I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
