does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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