i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize