i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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