hotel room ftw
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
