Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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