Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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