HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
