I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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