evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
