I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
