Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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