it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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