and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
