somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
