evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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