I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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