When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
