Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
