Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
