I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
