Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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