I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
