She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
