The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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